Thanksgiving

Opposite of love? Bet you said hate. I paid a shrink a lot of money to find the real answer to that question.
In my divorce I asked when would I stop loving him? I wrestled with it and said, "I'm paying a lot of money here. When will I know I am cured?" My attorney had said, "Never. You are never done with him. You will always tell the stories of him and them because you were in love, because they are part of that loving relationship and because it honors them. You will never be done."
My shrink said, "That man is a smart attorney. But your answer is...(drum roll and It IS Worth IT!!) when you don't care. The opposite of love is not hate, that's where you are. Hate is the other side of the double sided sword of love. When you don't care anymore, in any other than a human way, you are no longer in love."
Consider that free answer as priceless. (You're welcome) That answer came true for me months, almost 2 years after I sent Steve out on March Fourth...another irony of my life. Get it...march forth? That answer is priceless those times when the family gets together and we struggle with the independence of one another and the vast differences in our behaviors, outlooks, political beliefs, lifestyles....You Name IT. We are different!
Then comes floating into my mind...the opposite of love is indifference, not caring. This is caring exponentially too much. It is also about being sensitive to our differences and wondering if we are truly being accepted. Which is the next question....if I truly accept them, shouldn't I trust that they truly accept me? In the words of St. Francis of Assissi, "Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me."
You probably already knew there are moments in the weekend that were not worthy of the Hallmark channel. Really, aren't the ones you like best when the difficulties are overcome by forgiving and caring and trying harder and someone growing up? We are all Hallmark Channel worthy...all of our families. But the moments that we struggle in our familyness are the moments where the growth occurs and the bonding builds. I don't worry when I can step back and think rationally instead of inside my bleeding heart. Then I think of those families spending 4 or 5 hours together in pleasant conversation as they plan their night out, or trip back to "sanity" or the other family.
I have seen them, I chose mine. The messiness, contradictions within them, the loudness, f bombs, silliness, wine guzzling women who bring my home much joy. I choose mine and we will never be done.